worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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