Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
