he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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