And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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