the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
