I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
