hell yes lets make some ravioli
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
