I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
