Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
