I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
