Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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