I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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