I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
