I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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