So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
