he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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