If i come over, it means nothing
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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