omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
