ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
