and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I've blown a few things in my day
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
