I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
