ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
