ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
