Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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