how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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