do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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