What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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