Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
