I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
