He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
