Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
being pregnant is like rehab
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
