she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
