White coat. Heels.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
