Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
