All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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