I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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