I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
