dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
