You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
