So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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