She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The struggles of a small town man whore
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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