Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
