i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
