see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
