You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
