I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
