My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize