Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
