no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
