Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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