Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
pop tarts are not kleenex
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
