also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize