Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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