I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Randomize