i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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