I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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