Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
