Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize