you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
When are your genitals available?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
