My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
