i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Randomize
