Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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