Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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