just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
