Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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