??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
