well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
