Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
