is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
