Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
