what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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