I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
you never un-have a 4some
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
