I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I met the friendliest cop last night
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
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