I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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