Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
