I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
