um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
