I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
