kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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