quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
