that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
