I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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