I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize