Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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