oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
