The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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