Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize