I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I looked at my own cervix.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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