forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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