i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
