So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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