All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
well I can't set my house on fire every night
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
