Your face is a jimmy john
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
