I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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