Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
