i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
