I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
