i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
